Out of Office Auto Reply

So I sent an email to a customer yesterday at work, and received one of those "Out of Office" auto-reply thingies. The message was as follows:


I am afraid I am out of the office. I will be out of the office the remainder of the day, returning Thursday.


Looking at these words, I realized they don't make sense to my brain at all. "I am afraid I am out of the office."

You're "afraid" you're out of the office? What are you afraid of? Do you like being IN the office so much that the thought of being OUT of the office scares the shit out of you?? What if this dude actually was out of office, (which he was). This guy must be just FREAKING OUT. "Holy shit, my greatest fear just came true, I'm out of the freegin' office!! AHHH! What the fuck am I gonna do?? I always feared this would happen!!"

I am afraid I am out of the office. Why is FEAR playing a factor in this thing at all? It's cool man, I understand if you're just not in the office today, we've all been there. But there's nothing to fear dude. Grow a pair and quit worrying.


I then decided I would go to lunch, so I set my email "Out of Office" auto-reply message to the following:

"I am afraid I am out of the office. I am afraid I am eating a sandwich from Subway. I am afraid that they will put too much Southwest Chipotle sauce on it. I am also afraid of bee stings, toilet paper sticking to my shoe as I walk out of the bathroom, and the movie E.T."

In hindsight, I guess I should have also included "I am afraid my boss will see this away message while I'm at lunch and call me into their office to have a talk."