1. When you bang the shit out of your elbow, aka "hit yer funny bone", there is absolutely nothing goddamn funny about it. It sucks, it is a stinging, sharp pain that seemingly hits you right in the soul. Why some idiot would go and label the smashing of this bone as "funny" is beyond me.
2. The TRUE funniest bone is, inevitably, the boner.
3. Boner died. He's that dude from Growing Pains, Mike Sever's friend, who was always gettin' into some kind of, er, predicament. That's one Boner we're certainly going to miss.
4. Similar to all of this (?) is the term "Bone-head". If you are an idiot or jackass, like the guy who invented the term "funny bone", you are considered a "Bone-head". In reality, all of our heads are comprised of bone, so all of you out there reading this, you are all Bone-heads.
5. Back to boners for a sec, never wear gym shorts to work on Casual Fridays, unless you are me and there are no hotties to be found within your entire office space. I be wearin' gym shorts to work all the time, no boners to be had there. (*Update: part of this statement is no longer true)
6. When you gain knowledge that a friend/coworker/your parents/Kim Kardashian/anyone is about to GET IT ON with another person, you shall from this day forward refer to that as going to "THE BONE ZONE". This magical place known as "THE BONE ZONE" can be referenced in many different ways, including the following examples:
"Hey man, you were really hittin' it off with that Mindy chick at the party last night. You kinda disappeared too. Did you guys go to THE BONE ZONE???"
OR
"Dude, total bummer - she told me she had a boyfriend. I thought I was in fo sho, but turns out I was a hundred miles away from THE BZ."
7. There's a show on Fox called "Bones". Never seen it, but I'm guessing it's about two detectives who solve mysteries by looking at, erm, bones or something. This couple's relationship might also be teetering on the verge of romantic, with a "will they/won't they", Jim/Pam thing goin' on to pique the audience's interest. That's just my guess. Also, I'm guessing you can throw this show into the shit pile with all the other crap on that network (House, Fringe, 24). Make no bones about it, this show probably sucks.
(Ok ok, I guess 24 gets some street cred out there, I dunno, I don't watch any of that garbage. I was really just trying to talk about more "bones" stuff. My big qualm with 24 [again, i know nothing about the show, so settle down]: I THOUGHT THERE WERE JUST 24 HOURS TO DIFFUSE THE BOMB/STOP THE TERRORISTS/SAVE THE WORLD/WHATEVER IT IS JACK BAUER IS DOING?! I mean, what's goin' on there? Haven't there been like 5 seasons of that crap? Shouldn't they have set the bar a lil' higher when starting out the show by naming it, oh, i don't know, 192? That way you've got a guaranteed 8 seasons to finish up being a hero or whatever. I'm sure America has already been filled in on this, but I'm oblivious. Can someone set me straight on that one? In the meantime, I'll just go on hating it.)
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