Walk outside. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Throw your hands to the sky... and rejoice!! You made it. It is Wednesday. It is the one day where no, you're not on the cusp of the weekend, but yet you're not just beginning this hellish week either. No my friends, it is WEDNESDAY, smack dab right there in the middle of your week. You made it this far. The half way mark. The race is almost complete, you've nearly won.
Hell no you don't want to be here at work. Hell no you don't want to be answering customer emails, or working on spreadsheets, or kissing your boss's ass, but you are. It's inevitable. Hell yes you'd rather be on your couch, or still in bed, or with your friends, with a cold beverage in your hand. You don't want it to only be friggin' WEDNESDAY, but what can you do??? ARGGHH!!! I know its frustrating, but do not fear my fellow workaholics, for we have much to PUMP about!
I'm here for you. HUMP DAY PUMP UP IS HERE FOR YOU. You've come this far, and there's no turning back now. Hopefully this will assist you in your struggle to conquer whatever it is that you're struggling with this week, and get you over that hump. LET'S GET JACKED! NOW.
FIRST PUMP- ENERGY DRINK. Go out and get yerself one of these badboys. Seriously. Do not continue reading this unless you're serious about GETTIN' PUMPED. Take a break, go to the gas station. NOW. Do not pass GO, do not collect shit, unless you are collecting an energy drink right now, or an equally pumpy drink.
GET IT IN YOU.
SECOND PUMP - Watch this mutha*$@#in' video. I don't care if you have no interest in metal music or whatever. Just play along, AND GET HYPED! I guarantee you that the first 15 secs will make you feel SOMETHING. Most likely, pumped. We've got head-bangin' dudes, drinkin', smashin' stuff, and...whoa whoa, wait, was that a bearded child at 0:48??!! You just can't beat that! Holy shit this video is makin' my pump levels RISE FAST!!*
*puddingbath.blogspot.com is not responsible if you start breaking shit in your office while watching this.
THIRD PUMP - MEAT PUMP. For all you meatatarians out there, dig this: THE BACON STORE
BONUS BABY PUMP!
FOURTH PUMP - The World Taekwondo Federation. These guys don't fuck around. Some serious, serious stuff here, meant to be taken seriously. Check em out at WTF.org. HAHA, UNINTENTIONAL WEB ADDRESS PUMP!
FIFTH PUMP - SPORTS ENTHUSIASM. Sure, not all sports are created equal. Take NASCAR for example. I can't believe I even dignified this psuedo-sport by spelling the name in all-caps just there^, ughh. If you consider yourself an athlete because you drive a car in a circle, I'm going to go ahead and give you TWO PUMPS DOWN.
Similarly however, if you are so devoted to said driver of that car that you'd convince your obese wife to shave a number into your back hair, well... Kudos to you my furry friend, that is most definitely PUMP WORTHY!! Still, all things considered, you are indeed retarded. (Also, note the empty seat to the right of this work of man-art, haha)
SIXTH PUMP - LUNCH PUMP. By this time, I'm sure you've been rockin' out pretty HARD, and I bet you've worked up quite the appetite. Well do I have the treat for you! This tasty jam, courtesy of your local SUBWAY establishment, is a foot-long full of tangy, average-but-not-great goodness. Tender glazed buffalo chicken-like product, topped with cool ranch and all the fixins, all for only 5 BONES?? Mmmm, did someone say "Awesome lunch!"?? No? Oh, sorry, I could have sworn I heard someone say "awesome lunch", but I guess not. Well, it'll do the trick, right?? RAWT??!? Ok, you got me... HALF-PUMP.
HUMP DAY PUMP UP MINI-CONTEST: Can you get as PUMPED as THIS guy???
THE SEVENTH, AND FINAL PUMP - I was going to mention this some other time, but screw it. Since I'm pretty sure I don't have many loyal puddingbathers in other parts of the country, I'll just go ahead and ask the question: HOW GODDAMN PUMPED ARE YOU FOR THE PACKERS VS. VIKINGS GAME ON MONDAY NIGHT?!?!?!?! (I could type exclamation points and question marks behind that one all day)
I mean, think of all the jesting and bickering and bitching and bragging that has gone on throughout your life between fans of both teams. Now this? Dare I say the first of two of the greatest NFL rivalry games we will see in our lifetimes? (Oh, people are living to be 120 these days? Ok, maybe not our lifetimes, but lets keep rolling with the theatrics here, mmkay?)
Anyway, my PRE-GAME PUMP LEVELS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF for this matchup. Will Rodgers show he's got what it takes? Will Favre display that typical Monday Night glory? We shall see my friends, we shall see. Let's just take it one day at a time, and for now, we'll deal with Wednesday, or what some around these parts like to call...
HAPPY PUMP UP EVERYBODY!!!!
