Holy LOL Mom!

So I'm chit-chattin' with my moms last night, just shootin' the shit, and she starts asking me about some stuff she hasn't quite figured out yet... like Facebook, blogging, Twitter, funny internet acronyms, etc etc. You see my mom is a real lamb; soft-spoken, wouldn't hurt a fly. My mom is one of, if not the nicest people I have ever met/been birthed from, just totally sweet and innocent. So when she starts poking about regarding Facebook, you knows I gots to get my guard up! Don't get me wrong, I have nothing to hide, but do I really need my precious mother looking at photos of me passed out on a kitchen floor with my pants off, magic marker penises on my forehead? Not to mention this blog... ouch. I just don't think the fact that I spend time commenting on meat/boobs/insignificant shit would make her swell up with pride for her son. (editors note: I just noticed that by that last comment, I classified 'meat' and 'boobs' as significant shit)

Mom - "What's Facebook? And should I get it?"
Me - "Whooaaa. Back it up here, mommers. First of all, don't concern yourself with this Facebook thing, it's nothing to worry about, its just for kids, you do NOT want Facebook. Out of the question."

Mom - "But Jill is on it, she..."
Me - "NO! There are NO MOMS ON FACEBOOK! You are not missing anything. I mean it mom, NO FB for you! If you join, I will NOT be your friend."

(At this point she was a little upset, but I explained 'Facebook friends' to her, meaning I would in fact be her reality friend and son, but not in fantasy Facebook land)

Then somehow I dropped an 'LOL' in there, and she goes "Laugh out loud!" and I was kinda taken aback, as this is my mother we're talkin' about here. I then quizzed her on "BRB", "ROFL", and "TTYL". And that's when it happened...

Mom - "I know what MILF means."

I had no idea what to say at that point. Sweet Jeezus, what the fuck had the internet done to my poor old mother?! A woman who goes to church every Sunday. A woman who still scolds me, a grown man, for using the occasional S-Bomb (I NEVER drop the F-Bomb though, not around my mother, it would crush her soul). A woman so pure of heart that her old fashioned ways and good-natured personality, when compared with you oh faithful blog reader, would make you feel like you were covered in sin. So here she is, revealing to me that she now possesses the knowledge of MILF.

"I can no longer continue this conversation with you mother. Goodnight."

And I hang up, in shock. If she's already discovering these ugly things in the vast land of the web, what's next? Two Girls One Cup? I'm pretty sure if she saw that, her head would explode. So mom, for the sake of all things good in this world, please stay off the interwebz. It just wasn't made for mothers like you.