I LIKE SALT.

Let me talk about salt for a while. I put salt on everything.

Popcorn with salt on it is pretty much the best thing ever.

I salt Ramen noodles when i eat them. Pretty sure they already have about 500% of your daily value of sodium.

If I was in a band, the name might be "Salt Assault".

I have a salt sense. I salt my food before even tasting it, just cause I know it'll need salt. I can SENSE it.

If I had to choose between salt water taffy and regular taffy, you know where I'm goin' with this one...

I think there's a saying about the "salt of the earth". Is this just, like, salt? I mean, regular salt? Or is earth salt completely different?

Big soft pretzels with salt on them are pretty much the best thing ever.























If you lick your hand, it tastes salty, but this is gross salt.

When someone becomes angry or frustrated, some might say they are getting "salty". I like to get salty all the time, but not angry or frustrated, I just like to salt things.

In restaurants they put salt on the rim of margaritas. I always feel like a complete idiot when I lick the glass, but that's not gonna stop me from doing it anyway. It tastes good.

Corn on the cob with salt on it is pretty much the best thing ever.

I imagine Salt Lake City to be a pretty rad place.

Sometimes people who live by the woods put out a salt block for deer to like, uh, lick I guess. I'm not really sure what that's all about.

The sea is salty.

I ran out of salt ideas for this blog post, then I looked down at my keyboard as I was typing this and saw the 'Alt' button. I kinda wanna draw a little 'S' on it.

HUMP DAY PUMP UP

Alrighty kids, let's pump. I'm going to keep this short and sweet today, I apologize in advance if this doesn't quite fulfill your pumpage needs, I know you're a demanding bunch. Anyway, here's a little convo that cracked me up this morning. A coworker started typing me a message out of the blue, and I do not believe I was the intended receiver! Enjoy.

ACCIDENTAL PUMP!!!!

The Dudes of Summer

Find more here.

I Guess They Can't All Be Winners

HUMP DAY WISCONSIN PUMP UP!!!

Holy Shit, I'M SO GODDAMN PUMPED right now!! Why? Well obviously cause it's time for HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!! In honor of ANOTHER damn trip for me back to Wisconsin for ANOTHER damn wedding this weekend, I thought I'd provide a little WISCONSIN PUMP UP!

You see, when us Wisconsinites are just chillin' on a porch on a summery afternoon, grillin' out, Brewers baseball on da radio, drinkin' a can of Miller Lite (just kidding, that shit sucks), and we wanna get our pump-on, there's only one thing to be done. We'll look at each other in giddy anticipation, then someone will inevitably yell at the top of their lungs those oh so sacred words...


"WISCONSIN ROLL CALL!!!!"



BEER!












BRATS!










BURGERS!













BRO'S!












BASEBALL!












BABES!













BAMBURGERS! (like a burger, but better. Not sure if Bamburgers are real, but if someone asked what you'd rather have, a burger or a bamburger, what would you say??)











BELCHING!










BADGERS!











BARRY ALVAREZ!








BISQUICK!









BOLLEYBALL! (not sure...)


BLUETOOTH HEADSETS!










BASKET-WEAVING!













BLEU CHEESE!








BIKINI'S!











BOTSWANA!














After the WISCONSIN ROLL CALL has been completed (and yes, it is always YELLED), you better goddamn believe pumped levels are SKY HIGH! There is not a single person within a 10 mile radius who isn't JACKED after one of these bad boys - not a rock left un-turned, not a soul left UN-PUMPED!!!

So if you need to reach that next level of PUMPAGE today, regardless of where you may call home, give 'er the ol' SCONNIE ROLL CALL, and I'm sure you'll pumped in no time.

HAPPY HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!!!!

Obvious American Classics That I've Missed.

So if you didn't know, I'm the "King of Missing Popular Movies". I don't know how, but some films have just slipped under my radar over the years... and they just happen to be BLOCKBUSTER films that everyone and their mother has seen.

If I had a dime for every time in my life that I've heard someone say "YOU'VE NEVER SEEN (INSERT POPULAR MOVIE NAME HERE)?!?!?!", I'd probably have like $500.38. (wha?)


I guess for a lot of these films, I've just heard enough about them through popular culture that I really don't have the desire to see them. In some cases, I've just flat out missed the movie, and never did anything to rectify the situation. I mean, one lazy afternoon of watching TNT and I could catch right up with the majority of America, but noooooo....

Anyway, here's a list of movies that you and everyone else I know have seen, yet I've somehow missed. Please, don't get pissed. I'm sorry.


GLADIATOR - I know, right? Am I man? Jeezus.


ARMAGEDDON - Remember when this was HUGE? And that Aerosmith song? Yep, I was too busy living in a cave. My bad.


FIELD OF DREAMS - Yeah, yeah I know. Sad thing is, this is probably one of my favorite movies, I just haven't gotten around to seeing it yet! Special apology to Benny J, I know you're pissed.


PURPLE RAIN - I guess this a must if you're living in Minneapolis. I did catch a glimpse of it on VH1 once, and it was the gayest thing I've ever seen. ("Androgynous, not gay," as my roommate put it)


BIG DADDY - Adam Sandler in his heyday. I think I've seen parts of it, does that count? Some kid eating ketchup?


ANY HUGH GRANT MOVIE - I guess this brit was big in the 90's. Missed it, don't care.


BETTER OFF DEAD - Lemme guess... John Cusack, probably in love with some girl, but there is an overpowering obstacle in his way of being with said girl. He raises a boombox over his head, playing Peter Gabriel. BAM, done. I think I got the gist of it, no need to see it, right???


THE SOUND OF MUSIC - Have a lot of people seen this one? I don't know, I think I was sick that day in 3rd grade.


And finally (drum roll please), the BIGGEST goddamn movie that I've never seen, despite constant harassment from friends and family throughout my life since 1986...


TOP GUN - Ok ok OK, I haven't seen it, and why should I?? I can sum it up quite nicely I believe... Fast Jets. Tom Cruise. Kenny Loggins song. They play volleyball. They sing "lost that loving feeling". Goose Dies. Done. No need to see the movie, I have a pretty good idea already. Am I wrong here???


Anyhoo, sorry guys, I'll do my best to be more aware of shit from now on.

THIS SATURDAY. SUMMER PARTY. YOU. COME.

BRING YO FLIP FLOPS N' FLOATIES, AND A BEVERAGE OF YOUR CHOICE! WE'LL PROBABLY START ABOUT NOONER.

RASKIN'S, MPLS. CALL OR COMMENT BELOW TO TELL US HOW HARD YOU'RE GONNA ROCK ON SATURDAY!































* BOOZE WATERMELON!
* PINATA!
* "TEAM DRINKS" !
* DANCE-OFFS!
* KIDDIE POOL!
* FUN IN THE SUN!
* DRINKING!
* FRIENDS WITH BONERS!

And the PUMP goes on...

Ok, I gotta admit... I'm pretty pumped today. More so than yesterday! I know, I know, it was HUMP DAY PUMP UP and all that, but today I'm really feelin' it!!

I had just returned from an outside party-plannin' committee meeting (in which we totally organized an AWESOME BBQ par-tay for saturday) when I noticed someone brought in tator tot hotdish to the office today. Needless to say, I totally GOT IT ON. I am so SUPER STOKED right now, the sun is a shinin', smiles are abundant, in a great mood, belly full, energy drinks have been had, it's almost the weekend...

Anyway, no bells or whistles today, just wanted to be as honest with you Puddin' Bathers as I could... I thought it was only fair to inform you that my pumped levels have EXCEEDED yesterdays!!


UN-PLANNED PUMP-UP!!!!!

HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!

Ah yes, it's about that time again... HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!

Let's get right to it and kick things off with a lil' video to loosen up those muscles and get the blood... well, PUMPIN'!!




I especially like 0:14 through 0:24 as MCA tries to balance his delicate grass mustache, LOL. PUMP.



So it seems like I've been back in Wisconsin like EVERY damn weekend because everyone and their mother is getting married, which sorta sucks, except for the fact that there's simply NO party like a "Sconnies Gettin' Hitched" PAR-TAY!! PUMP!





























































I'm sure you Minnesotans know what I'm talkin' bout, right?! Chug it, Condor...

























Ok, this may be an Anti-PUMP, but this past week a dear friend moved away. We'll miss ya Max, and for ol' times sake, here's one of our many meaty pump-up discussions...































































Dammit, now I got meat on the brain! SO PUMPED. Here's a briefcase made of bacon...

















And last but certainly not least, a good friend of mine turned me on to this magnificent tool. CLICK IT!! CLICK IT!! Star Wars PUMP!

http://www.r2d2translator.com/



















KEEP THOSE PUMP LEVELS UP TODAY KIDS!!! AND REMEMBER, ONLY PUMP WITH ADULT SUPERVISION.

Tuuuuuesday... Afternoooon.

It's Tuesday, that means the week is movin' right along nicely. I don't think i have anything to say really... i usually just steal some random pic off Google or something, and it's not often that I just type shit. My thoughts are usually a lil more organized, but I'll just keep on a typin' cause I'm in too deep and we can't just turn around now folks and I'm still goin and haven't said a damn thing yet but ohwellfuggitcan'tstopnow. Here's some thoughts that I've been thinking...


- I've never watched 'What About Bob?', and I think I'd really like it.


- I just watched "The Wrestler". Meh. C+. I guess in retrospect, there was kinda a rare ending... nothing got resolved - he didn't get the girl, he didn't resolve his shitty relationship with his daughter, he was still a depressed-trailer-trash-livin' washed up piece of shit in the end. Not the typical feel-good movie resolution. Oops...SPOILER ALERT!! (I guess that was too late. my bad. you didn't need to watch that movie anyway).

- I own every piece of camping gear I'll ever need, and haven't camped once this summer yet.

- Something is almost certainly better than nothing, although no news is good news.


- The 99 cent bags of chips are now $1.29, but claim to be "bigger". I guess normally I would have a beef with any price-hike gimmick like this, but I really BELIEVE there are a hell of a lot more chips in these bags! Seriously, remember rippin open a 99 cent bag to find 5 chips? Fail. These new bags actually bring da goods. Or maybe Frito Lay's marketing has tricked me once again. I don't even like chips.



- I can't tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. One has more teeth? A weirder tail?


- I stole a Google image of a bag of chips and posted above, thinking you, the reader, may seem more interested in this random blog post because of this image. I guess I'm just assuming that every blog reader has ADD at this point.


- Last Wednesday I ate at FOGO DE CHAO, aka MEAT HEAVEN!!!! Holy shit, this is the MEATIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!! I think this deserves its own separate blog post, more to come later.... (sorry CONDOR, I'm talkin' MEAT again...)


- I have to do some actual "work" now, cause "the man" tells me I gots to. Do they pay people to blog? If there was such a world where people could climb the socioeconomic ladder by blogging, I would be the equivalent of the mentally-unstable greeter guy at Wal-Mart: Makin' ends meet, content in life, yet ridiculed by 15 year old jerk-offs daily.