HUMP DAY PUMP UP - DOGS.

HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!!

Today: Dogs.



















First of all, my friend ate a dog. Check it out here.


Second, I just quickly wanted to touch on an issue of great importance to me. Many of you are familiar with the comedy classic 'Billy Madison'. Of course you are. There are countless moments of hilarity and gut-busting LOLs sprinkled throughout that film, however there is one moment that I feel has not justly received the appreciation it deserves. No, it's not the drunk by the pool banter, or 'boys night out' feces gathering scene, or any scene involving the words 'boob', or 'snack pack' or 'Chlorophyll'. The best moment to really stir up some laughs is only a few seconds long, but in my humble opinion (I could have abbreviated that, right? Hrm) it is THE FUNNIEST SCENE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I may be alone on this one, but whatev. It totally PUMPS ME UP. Check it out below.




I dunno what it is about it, but it just tickles my funny bone, ya dig? Anyway, since like 6th grade, whenever the occasion comes up where I get to say, "Speak for yourself, moron" I always do it in a gruff doggie voice ala the vid above.



Third - I was going to post a Snoop Dogg video to increase the pump levels, or post some other Snoop-related somethin or other, but I just couldn't find anything pumpy enough that might generate some LOLs. Well, I guess I did find this pic of Snoop wearing an over-sized handkerchief, which is pretty ridiculous, but if you're looking for something more than that, well, uh... just YouTube 'Snoop Dogg stoned' or 'Snoop Dogg talking like idiot' or something, I dunno. For the time being, just imagine blowing yer nose on a rapper's outfit.

























BREAKING NEWS: Kelly Osbourne fractures her elbow breaking up a dog fight























Wait wait, okay. First of all, I don't care. Second of all, wasn't she that chubby daughter of Ozzy? Where'd the chubness go? Third, I don't care. Dogs = 1. Lipo'd Ozzy baby = 0.





More dog stuff... umm.. OH! I used to work with this woman, and she would always bring her dog into work (our old office allowed dogs lol). This lady would sometimes dress her dog up in little outfits and shit, it was ridiculous.


















There's not many people that I hate in this world, but these doggie fashion bastards, ugh. They've got to go. It boggles my mind to think about the free time/mental energy these people waste to dress up their dogs as if they were miniature retarded humans with fur. Collars, okay, I can see that, unless it's covered in spikes or something, but actual clothes? Man, that really just trips my trigger.
"NO ma'am, your dog's Minnesota Vikings jersey is not cute. NO i don't think it's funny that your dog wore a Christmas sweater to the party. NO i will not take a picture of your wiener dog dressed as a wiener, and NO i will not take a picture of my wiener." Jeezus, these dog-dressing people are just getting out of hand. I guess the only thing possibly worse would be dogs dressing their owners. Or owners dressing like dogs. Woof.





















Idiot.



Ok, back to the PUMP UP. It's like a million people's birthdays this weekend, so there will be plenty of PUMPAGE to spread around! I would love to buy all of my good friends dogs for their birthdays in honor of this special HUMP DAY PUMP UP DOG EDITION occasion, but of course that's just ridiculously unreasonable. So I thought of some other ways I could recreate the essence of owning a dog for them:

-Sneak into friend's yard at night. Take a dump in yard.

-Sneak into friend's newly carpeted living room. Take a piss on carpet.

-Find friend who is currently a student, with homework due. Eat homework.

-Find friend who is hot. Lick face of hot friend.

-Find friend who is best friend. Tell that friend I am their best friend. (Note: Friend must be a man.)

See where I'm goin' with that one? Like, dog stuff? Eh, er, yeah.




















And finally, to bring this glorious HDPU (doggystyle) to a close, I give you... DOG HUMPS LADY VIDEO. Check out this lady gettin' OWNED by this horny dog. That mutt is really just PUMPIN' on that bitch, arf!



Ok dog-lovers, stay jacked today, be kind to your animals, get pumped, keep on pumpin', and stay pumped! Uh, unleash the pump? Bark at the moon? They say let sleeping dogs lie, but not today. Eff that, wake those fuckers up and tell them to start partying.

It's a dog eat dog world out there people, so uh... eat other dogs, if that's what you're into, and if that's what keeps you pumped!

HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!!

PUMPpumpPaPUMP papumpypumpPUMP let's do this!!!

Congrats on surviving another half week! Welcome to Wednesday, that glorious midweek point where you may be coastin' along just fine on yer own, but in case you're not and need a lil' reinforcement, we've got the HUMP DAY PUMP UP just for you.


Ok, we've got a lot to go over today, so make sure to take lots o time to go through all this pumpage. Let's get started with some liquid energy. Tell yer boss you need to take a break, visit your local convenience mart/Holiday station/Kum & Go, and pick up one of these bad boys:





















This is some serious rocket-fuel!! I think it's more geared for the "hungover" demographic, with a name like 'Recovery', but I think its the perfect pump launchpad, regardless if you tied one on the previous night or not. And only 10 calories! Get jacked!

One other observation I had from putting down one of these suckers the other day was a curious ingredient listed on the top of the can. Sure, you've got your guarine, taurine, ginseng, all completely necessary (?) ...but what's this?? MILK THISTLE?!? WTF. MILK THISTLE. I have NO idea what that is or if it's actually poisonous or made up or whatever, but I don't really care. It sounds kinda bad-ass. Something about combining two words, one of the words being extremely wimpy and sissified, like MILK, and the other being totally ruthless and wicked, like THISTLE. I like it.

Other examples of pussy/wicked word combinations:

Ginger snaps
Patty melt
Pony keg
Cross Skull (haha. Sorry religious people, I'm not trying to say Christians are pussies)
Penis Pump (?)



Ok moving right along, let's get some pumpy tunage goin. Now I know a lot of you indie kids ditched punk rock a few years back, but dust off your old warped tour ticket stubs and chain wallets for a sec and lets revisit this old gem. I don't care if you grew out of your Rancid pants long ago, this song still gets me pumpin'. No there's not video, but just rock this tune and feel your adrenaline start to kick in. Oh I'm gettin' pretty peppy-pumped right now!




One thing to note, I have nothing against California, but something about just beltin' out "Let California fall into the fuckin' ocean!!" just gets me p-p-p-PUMPED everytime!



Oh, I thought I'd throw in a lil' shout out to my man Andrew B. He is always kind enough to share his PUMP levels with me, and I always appreciate his updates. It's good to hear how PUMPED you guys are getting out there. Just this morning in fact, he let me know about the McD's breakfast and 2 cups of joe he put down, all in preparation of HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!! Good on ya, as they say. If you or anyone you know would like to be featured in a HDPU, or have any pump-worthy items to share with the world (well, the 12 people who read this blog), please post in the comments below!














Next item of PUMPness, my oh my...
MEAT NIGHT!!!
This legendary evening of animal treats went down last night, and it was oh so glorious. I've never seen so many meaty combinations on one dinner table before. It got SO MEATY, it hurt so good. I could feel my heart a poundin' as I attempted to chow down on all of these MEAT MASTERPIECES...

















Bacon, wrapped in sausage, wrapped in bacon, then barbecued!! MEAT LOG!!!



















WINGS! PASTA WITH STEAK! MEGA-MEAT PIZZA!! salad, uh....WITH MEAT!! A Turkey loaf, EXTRA PUMPY!!































































Now friends, I feel like I need to explain one of the meatiest things I've ever made to date. THE MEAT CAKE. I remember this starting as sort of a joke, but it ACTUALLY WAS CREATED LAST NIGHT, and I just knew it was something that would stay with me for a very long time. It was my baby; the MEAT ACCOMPLISHMENT of my life, and I was extremely proud.
























It started with three mega-meatloaf cakes, with a brown sugar/Worcestershire glaze. (We trimmed it to make it a little more shapely).













Real mashed potato frosting!!



































More meaty glaze on top, and garnished with some spinach leaves and parmesan cheese. When we cut into this sucker, I almost shed a tear of joy...

























I really can't describe this meat event in any other way than, uh.... EPIC.

PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP.




What am I fergettin'? Oh yes!! IT'S ST. PATTY'S DAY!! Go apeshit!!! An excuse to actually eat cabbage, drink dyed beer, and be a complete asshole all day and night, while wearing the only green shirt you have in your closet! Yeah it sucks for some people that it's on a Wednesday, but holy hell, could you think of a PUMPIER day??? And if your friends are clueless when it comes to the whole HDPU thing, just send em to the ol' pBath for encouragement. Then RAGE! (I'm telling you to rage cause i just read the word 'encouragement' again, and sure enough, smack dab in the middle is 'rage'. Anyhoo...) So yeah, go out, put back some Guinness, grow out your orange hair, overturn a car or two, start a riot, be Irish-like any way you know how. PUMP!*

*The folks here at puddingbath are not responsible for any riot-inducing actions you may actually perform.


























And remember, it will NOT be frowned upon on Thursday when you come to work, eyes bloodshot, bruises clearly visible, breath smelling like you downed a bottle of mouthwash even though the liquor odor is still quite present. No one will care, cause it's the day after St. P's. They CAN'T care. It's like, in the Constitution or something. It's like a free pass; America will turn her head the other way in ignorance, so go get yer kicks tonight!




















Welp, that should keep ya goin throughout the day. Enjoy the rest of the week, come on back and visit anytime, and remember... When Life hands you lemons, you give Life a swift kick right to the junk and ask for a refund. Cause these lemons, they suck man. Who ordered lemons anyway? They're not even made of meat.

GO GET PUMPIN'!!!

Plantman.

Plantman video. Hmm. This could be the worst (or best, depending upon what kind of plants you're into) video ever.





This one's a little better...

HUMP DAY PUMP UP - THURSDAY EDITION!!

YESSSS!!!!

I'm so glad you made it through yet another day of your awesome life, and I'm extra mega glad you stumbled across this lil' ol' blog, on a THURSDAY of all days. Sorry for the lack of PUMP UP yesterday, sometimes ya just get caught up in the mix and ya forget to blog. But let it be known, you shall NEVER forget to PUMP.

So let's catch up. And let's make it super-amazingly pumpy today, cause you're ONE STEP CLOSER to the weekend!!! I hope this helps...

ITEM ONE:

Close yer eyes. Seriously. I don't give two shits if you're at work, or in front of your girlfriend/boytoy, on the shitter on yer iPhone, in front of your parents, whatever. I don't care. Just listen to me, and close yer eyes. Ok wait, I put this in the wrong order. Alright, press PLAY on the video below, THEN close yer eyes. FEEL IT.

Ok, if you're really curious and need to watch the video, well, uh... spoiler alert, it's people from the 90's, dancing shittily, to really shitty graphics, er, from the 90's. Yeah, you're not really missing out on the video. But that SONG, oh my oh my, how PUMPY is that??? I'm seriously thinking of makin' it the official Wednesday theme song. No?

PUMP TWO:

So I got together with some good friends once again to do what we humans do best (besides sleeping and shitting), EATING! On this particular night, the theme happened to be "Dips", so enjoy some pics of the now legendary DIP NIGHT!!!

Taco dip, buffalo chicken dip, hummus dip, guac dip, artichoke dip, crab wontons (w/ dip), reuben dip, veggie dip, dip dip dip... Follow that mega-feast up with some awesome TEAM PICS, and the pumpage is flowin!!

It was a great night of wonderful treats, and I wished I could have stayed longer, but it was gettin' late and I had to dip (ba-dum-ching! [that's the sound of a comedic drum noise])
...And be SURE to check in next week, as we're having... drumroll please... MEAT NIGHT.

I SHIT YOU NOT. A night of glorious meats. Meat everywhere. Come back next week and get meaty.



PUMP THREE:

The greatest indie band of all time, PAVEMENT, has reunited, and is playin St. Paul! Sure you'll obviously check that out, but if you REALLY wanna get pumped, join me this summer on a lil' roadtrip to the PITCHFORK MUSIC FESTIVAL. DO IT. I promise maximum roadtrip pumpage, sweet tunes, pizza, fun, friendship, and other Chicago-ish festivities. PUMP!










(pavement, broken social scene, modestmouse, lcd soundsystem, more to come...)



PUMP FOUR:
I was job-huntin the other day, and lo and behold I came across my dream job!! BONUS PUMP!! I can't wait to start! So glad I found this flyer...








PUMP FIVE: Weird.






















PUMP FIVE AND A HALF: WEIRDER.






















PUMP SIX: WTF WEIRDEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!


















It's like a half man, half dog thing, feeding... uh. I just dunno man. I'm not exactly sure if this kinda thing necessarily PUMPS YOU UP, but I've already posted it and it would be too much work to take it down, so uh... enjoy??



PUMP SEVEN: All dogs go to heaven. Not really, but you can believe that if you want. Faith is important, right? Like the faith I have in YOU my friends, to take this PUMP gift today, embrace it, use it, then responsibly pass the pump along. Coworkers, family, homeless people, Subway employees... THEY ALL NEED TO BE PUMPED. And unfortunately during these tough economic times, not everyone has a PUMP SOURCE. So be someone's guiding light today, and do whatever you can to GET SOME ELSE PUMPED. If you succeed, well, gold star for you, and you have my undying respect and admiration. Play a friendly game of "Hot Pumptato", pass that shit around. Spread that PUMP, as we bring it on home to the weekend...



P.S. WHOA OMG HOLY COW SUPER DOUBLE BONUS PUMP!!!

Someone brought in stuff to make rootbeer floats in the office today. Delicious!! And of course it only reminds me that summer is right around the corner. P TO THE UMP.

HUMP DAY PUMP UP - RAIN DELAY

Oh dudes and dude lovers, thank you so much for checking out the pBath today! I know you're JACKED UP, and SO AM I, but to be honest, the man is trying to hold me down. Full disclosure: I'm at work, and they don't take kindly to folks gettin' pumped, or pumpin' other folks up around these parts. They're limiting my "do nothing but blog" time, and as I didn't get a chance to write a PRE-PUMP post for today, I'm a little behind. Don't worry though, I'll do everything I can to stick it to the man, and WE SHALL PUMP. OH YES WE SHALL. Ain't nothin' gonna keep this PUMP down.

With that being said, we're going to have to have a PUMP RAIN DELAY. I am truly sorry, but hang in there. It IS Wednesday after all, and you've come this far all on your own, so hold tight. Just pretend it's Tuesday, and that there will be EXTRA MEGA PUMPAGE tomorrow.

To be clear, this is NOT a PUMP DOWN, this is just a small delay while we work through some obstacles that are getting in the way (work).

HUMP DAY PUMP UP

Welcome! Have a seat. How was your Tuesday? Yes, I said Tuesday (yesterday). Mmmhmm, I see. Mine was actually pretty pumpy. I woke up 5 mins before my alarm, wide awake. The shower temperature was just right. I heard THREE great songs on the radio on my smooth drive to work, no stoplights. I walked into the office in a great mood, then some dude brought me a bag of OLD DUTCH KETCHUP FLAVORED CHIPS, holy wow, that made my lunch! A total surprise. All in all, it would be tough to beat that Tuesday, it was pretty goddamn awesome.
















But alas folks, we've advanced another day in our lives, and what can you do but GET MORE PUMPED. Sure you can dwell in PAST-PUMPS, thinking fondly of all the fun you had back then, but as they say, the show must go on. Hopefully I can assist you in creating some more PUMPY MEMORIES!


PUMP ONE:

Go ahead and listen to The Flatliners, "Eulogy". Oh, you don't have that song? Well it just so happens I've conveniently posted it below, even with eye candy for you "visual folk". This song pumps me up so much, I pop it on in the car in the morning and ohmygawd it's like lightning flowing through my veins I just wanna keep driving right past the exit to work then past all the exits and just keep drivng holyshit I'mso pumped can't stop no time for punctuation or time to fix grammatical errors i just wanna head straight to PUMPVILLE, population: ME!!






PUMP TWO:

It's currently 7:37am as I type this, and I've already downed a McLarge Freegin' McCafe McPump drink. Picture below. For you HDPU regulars, you'd think I'd just have a stock picture of this, but trust me, I DO take a new photo everytime I McPUMP. Just check out the computer screen in the background, it's these words you're reading now. WHOOAA!! THE PROOF IS IN THE PUMP!


























PUMP THREE:

Last night I might have had one of the pumpiest dinners I've ever had. We gathered some good friends, everyone contributed a dish, and we had a Breakfast/Dinner situation goin' on... BRINNER PUMP! (Brinner is a combo of 'breakfast and, ah you get it.) It was so glorious... Pancakes, sausage, crepes with fruit and cream, more sausage, Eggs Benedict, bacon, hashbrowns, MIMOSAS... you name a breakfast item, it was there!!!





















PUMP FOUR: Of course this feast was much too large for us mere mortals, so when we were done, what did we do with the leftovers? We created a food work of art. These photos kinda show the progression of what would eventually become Mr. Brinner! CREATIVE FOOD ART PUMP!!
















































































(the making of Mr. Brinner)
























(If you can't tell in the last photo, he's skiing)


Dear god I never want to eat again, I was so full of delicious food treats. Definitely PUMP-FUEL for today.


PUMP FIVE:

So coming off that ridiculously meaty feast, I'm ready to power-kick today in the nutsack. My excitement levels are so high, I'm just gonna set the PUMP CRUISE CONTROL and coast through today. After what I'm sure will be a mediocre workday, it'll soon be time to RE-PUMP as I go to the Triple Rock for a show with a good friend. We're goin to drink 100 cocktails, eat baskets of bacon, and watch the Flatliners get that whole fuggin' place just a-pumpin. (Refer to pump number one, above).






















All in all, it's a pretty great day to be alive. Also, as I'm sure you've grown accustomed to me getting pretty lazy around these parts and only posting on Wednesdays, go ahead and check out more words of wisdom from yesterday. I wanted to create the illusion that I'd be posting a little more regularly on the ol' pBath. We'll see how that goes haha.


OK, GO GET JACKED WHATEVER WAY YOU KNOW HOW. THANKS FOR READING, KEEP THOSE PUMP LEVELS UP TODAY, REMEMBER THE POWER-KICKS TO TODAY'S NUTSACK, REMEMBER YOUR PUMP FUEL, REMEMBER TO CRANK THE PUMPY TUNES, AND SPREAD THE PUMP THROUGHOUT THE LAND!

Super Target

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