Crazy Sundays

Ok, listen up... I know a lot of you ADHD kids can't sit still long enough to actually read more than one paragraph, but pleeease bear with me and read through this one. It's worth it, trust me. If not, I'll buy ya a beer next time I see ya, or I won't. Also, this post will be totally offensive to some people, deal with it.

So I have this buddy (also a fellow blogger, check this shit out, you're in for a treat) and back in our college days we would get together for what we called "Crazy Sundays." Now "Crazy Sundays" could pretty much be summed up as two hetero dudes chillin, gettin' fucked up, and being... well, crazy I guess. Most of the craziness was spent sitting on the couch, watching ridiculous movies like the classic Krull (remind me to blog about that movie later, it deserves a post of it's own), and laughing our asses off.

So Sunday comes along, my buddy comes over, we get crazy. On this particular Sunday, we decide we want some food, but not some cheap McCrap or tacos or bullshit. We wanted some real, sit-down, comfort food. Ya know, to get outta the house, change it up a bit. Thus the dawning of the "Crazy Sunday Field Trip." Mind you, we're both completely out of our skulls at this point (I'll let you use your imagination), so we're thinking we'll have to go somewhere that we can both be complete idiots and not really give a hoot. We settle on the mega-haven of food variety, the slop trough for 8-kid families, the Wal-Mart of restaurant chains, OLD COUNTRY BUFFET.

We drive over to the local OCB (not sure if we should've been driving, oops!) and get our chow on. If you've never experienced OCB, then you're probably not the type of person who avoids eating all day prior to visiting OCB, just so you can gorge yourself on platefuls of carved roast beef, mac n cheese, and pizza (Shout-out to the meat-cutter guy! Nice job, bud). If you haven't been there, you'd be the type who would actually go to the salad bar first, rather than start with a plate full of meat or grease. The type who doesn't list "eating" as one of their hobbies. The type who's never dipped their fries in chocolate ice cream, or stuck their head under the soda machine dispenser. The type who would be opposed to puking in the parking lot afterwards. The type of person I would kindly refer to as a douchebag. You know the type. IF you haven't done the OCB thing yet, seriously, suck up your pride and get over there. No one really cares about your "image" anyway, and trust me, you can put off your banana-and-purified-water-diet for one day. Live, dammit.

Anyhoo, as I'm sitting there at the table, probably finishing up my awesome bread pudding or something, my buddy says something relatively funny, in which case I begin to giggle like a school girl. The giggles start to become chuckles. Soon the chuckles become all-out uncontrollable laughter. I mean I'm just geekin out hardcore, I can't stop damn laughing! I don't even remember the joke, but doesn't matter, the real punchline is coming... So I'm sittin' there laughin', and we start getting some looks from some fat people; things were taking a turn towards the awkward. My buddy, who at that point seemed to show a little more restraint and self-control, seemed to think my hysterical laughter was gettin a lil' out of hand. He looks me in the eye and says, "DUDE, YOU'RE BEING RETARDED!", and at that same exact moment I look past him, and what do I see??? At the table right behind us there is an ACTUAL retarded kid in a wheelchair, going "Darrr..."
I mean, holy fucking shit. I think to myself, "What the hell is happening right now..." My buddy has no idea that the most ridiculous coincidence has just occurred, and I just completely lose it. I do not think that I have ever in my life laughed so hard as I did at that one moment. I felt like I was on another planet. A planet where I would puke from laughing so hard. There were tears. I think I tried explaining to my buddy what had just happened, but couldn't speak; I was frickin' laughing so hard, I ended up just pointing behind him to show him what I was spazzing about. We ended up just sitting there, wiggin' out, roaring with laughter, mentally challenged dude a few feet away, with the whole damn restaurant staring at us. Holy shit, good times, good times. Crazy Sunday indeed.



P.S.> I am really sorry if I offended anyone who's against the use of the R word, or laughing at the handicapped, or whatever, but that's really the only way I could tell that tale.

Have a good day.