HUMP DAY PUMP UP - LET'S DANCE!!!

Hellllll yesssss IT'S WEDNESDAY, and you KNOW whatta that means!!!

LET'S GET PUUUUUMPED!!!!!!!

Oh man oh man I've got such a large pump-on this week, whoo!!! I don't know about you, but one thing that get's me pumping HARD is DANCING. Ferk yeah, nothin' like just goin' apeshit on the dancefloor, the living room floor, the coffee table, on yer bed, on the kitchen table... just DANCING YER FREEGIN' PANTS OFF!!

P to the UMP. PUMP NATION, ya hear me?!?!

Ok, so there's this new dance craze just sweepin' da nation, it's like the hottest thing, ever. It's called Daggering... aka DRY HUMPING. Watch this entire video. This time I'm not asking, I'm TELLING YOU. Watchit. Watch it. You not only will learn a thing or two, you will be laughing yer genitals off!!! Seriously, watch it. If the dude in this video doesn't get you PUMPED, well... you're an asshole. Click it. NOW NOW NOW!!!

"UNTIL...YOU...HAVE.... DIIIIIEEED!!!" Whewwww, doggy!! How goddamn pumpy is THAT?!?!?!

Alright, lets face it, we can't all be blessed with killer moves that will put hurt on the dance floor. Did ya know that 83% of all Americans can't even sufficiently cut a rug??? (Made-up statistic). No worries. If you're one of these people, just remember... there is always someone out there who sucks more at dancing than you.

Now that FAIL just sent my PUMP LEVELS SKY FREEGIN' HIGH!!!

Here's some dancing tips for you that I made up (free of charge). If you want to become a successful dancing machine, you MUST adhere to the following:

1. PELVIC THRUSTS. There can never be enough. And when you think it's enough, keep thrustin'. Oh, and throw in some wang-grabs. Everyone loves a firm tug on the schlong whilst keepin' it real on the dance floor.

2. USE A REMOTE CONTROL AS A FAKE MICROPHONE. Yep, the ladies in the club (your house) will just swoon as you lip-sync over Lady GaGa using the remote to your 19" Toshiba. Trust me on this one fellas. And for you experts, try a few toss n' catches, to really get the party goin'. Just make sure you perfect that catch, cause nothin' kills a dance partay like a missed mic-toss and AA battery's sprayed across the floor.

3. PELVIC THRUSTS. Not sure if we fully touched on this one yet, but I'm telling you, get that crotch all up in everybody's bidness.

DANCE YER PANTS OFF!!! AHHHH PUMP!!!!

So remember kids, dance like no one's watchin', and PUMP LIKE EVERYBODY'S WATCHIN', cause the PUMP is infectious, it's like a disease. Spread that shit around. Don't use protection. PASS THE PUMP!!! PUMP UNTIL YOU HAVE DIED!!!!!

HAPPY HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!!!!