HUMP DAY PUMP UP - LET'S DANCE!!!

Hellllll yesssss IT'S WEDNESDAY, and you KNOW whatta that means!!!

LET'S GET PUUUUUMPED!!!!!!!

Oh man oh man I've got such a large pump-on this week, whoo!!! I don't know about you, but one thing that get's me pumping HARD is DANCING. Ferk yeah, nothin' like just goin' apeshit on the dancefloor, the living room floor, the coffee table, on yer bed, on the kitchen table... just DANCING YER FREEGIN' PANTS OFF!!

P to the UMP. PUMP NATION, ya hear me?!?!

Ok, so there's this new dance craze just sweepin' da nation, it's like the hottest thing, ever. It's called Daggering... aka DRY HUMPING. Watch this entire video. This time I'm not asking, I'm TELLING YOU. Watchit. Watch it. You not only will learn a thing or two, you will be laughing yer genitals off!!! Seriously, watch it. If the dude in this video doesn't get you PUMPED, well... you're an asshole. Click it. NOW NOW NOW!!!

"UNTIL...YOU...HAVE.... DIIIIIEEED!!!" Whewwww, doggy!! How goddamn pumpy is THAT?!?!?!

Alright, lets face it, we can't all be blessed with killer moves that will put hurt on the dance floor. Did ya know that 83% of all Americans can't even sufficiently cut a rug??? (Made-up statistic). No worries. If you're one of these people, just remember... there is always someone out there who sucks more at dancing than you.

Now that FAIL just sent my PUMP LEVELS SKY FREEGIN' HIGH!!!

Here's some dancing tips for you that I made up (free of charge). If you want to become a successful dancing machine, you MUST adhere to the following:

1. PELVIC THRUSTS. There can never be enough. And when you think it's enough, keep thrustin'. Oh, and throw in some wang-grabs. Everyone loves a firm tug on the schlong whilst keepin' it real on the dance floor.

2. USE A REMOTE CONTROL AS A FAKE MICROPHONE. Yep, the ladies in the club (your house) will just swoon as you lip-sync over Lady GaGa using the remote to your 19" Toshiba. Trust me on this one fellas. And for you experts, try a few toss n' catches, to really get the party goin'. Just make sure you perfect that catch, cause nothin' kills a dance partay like a missed mic-toss and AA battery's sprayed across the floor.

3. PELVIC THRUSTS. Not sure if we fully touched on this one yet, but I'm telling you, get that crotch all up in everybody's bidness.

DANCE YER PANTS OFF!!! AHHHH PUMP!!!!

So remember kids, dance like no one's watchin', and PUMP LIKE EVERYBODY'S WATCHIN', cause the PUMP is infectious, it's like a disease. Spread that shit around. Don't use protection. PASS THE PUMP!!! PUMP UNTIL YOU HAVE DIED!!!!!

HAPPY HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!!!!

Pussy Doodles.

HUMP DAY PUMP UP!

It's Wednesday folks, and I'm SUPER PUMPED!!!! The only thing I can think of doing is of course SPREADIN' THAT PUMP throughout the land. So pull up yer PUMPY PANTS, toss back an energy drink, and get ready to rip today a new asshole. LET'S GET OUR PUMP ON!!!

First, put in yer head phones, crank it up, feel that caffeine coursing through yer veins, and pump this jam. Goddammit those bastards in Teenage Bottlerocket pump me right the ferk right up! I could end the PUMP UP post right after this song, it would suffice.

My legs are just a-shakin', that song just jacks me up! Well I guess I never really learned to skate, but if I had, you know my pump-levels would be freegin' sky-high each and every day.

Alright fellow pumpers, dig this... turns out there's a kids inflatable party zone bouncy thingy which can be found on pumpitupparty.com.

Thinkin' bout renting one, how pumpy would THAT be??!! Take it from the kids, this thing will pump yer face off. To prove it, the website is just littered with photos of pumpy kids' faces. Since I know you won't click that link above, I'll cover the highlights below. Check it out:

Pretty PUMPED...

Gettin' pumpier... (I imagine this dude sayin' "Aww, daaaaang!!")

Ok, gettin' a serious PUMP-ON now... (notice how the folks at pumpitupparty.com are subtly covering their bases by including as many races as they can... this inflatable party thingy does not discriminate! [as long as you are a kid with a pumpy face])

WOW, this last kid is just retardedly PUMPED UP like whoa!! This kid looks like the Tooth Fairy had just farted into his mouth and it tasted like magic.

PICTURE PUMP!!! A pumpy picture is worth a thousand words. Check this, and feel those pump levels a-risin'!! STAR WARS ROCK BAND! I just love that C-3PO and R2D2 are holdin' down the keys in the background...

Ok, now I know I've been talking a lot about the upcoming epic summer (here and here), but seriously, how awesome will it be to finally get to go to the beach or the pool and just get awesome?!?

If there is sand, it's a beach.

If it's a beach, there'll be boobs.

If there are sandy boobs, it's a party.

Reminds me of last summer, when my good buddy Jose ate 11 Creamsicles, chugged half a bottle of Jose Cuervo (which is ironic in itself, since his name is Jose), then decided to jump in the pool.

Yeah yeah I know Jose looks different in each photo there, put c'mon, I used what I had (thanks Google Image search). It's a true story nonetheless. Sorta. PUMP!

Ok I'm sure you have some real pumpin' to do out there in the real world, so for this final bit lets take a trip down memory lane... all the way back to the beginning of this post. If you didn't watch the first video, PUMP DOWN to you my friend. But I'll give ya another chance. Another super-pumpy skate video, but in this one, everybody wipes out, every time. I always cringe when I watch this, but it's SO DAMN PUMPY.

As you're rockin' out today, remember... sometimes when you try to PUMP TOO HARD, you FAIL. You land on yer face. NEGA-PUMP. You may get battered and bruised, but just get back up, dust yerself off, and keep bringin' it hard. Happy Wednesday, and HAPPY HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!!

ENDLESS SUMMER SHOWS

I gotta say that I've never seen such a goddamn plethora of awesome summer concerts than what's in store for us in 2010. Let's grab a beer, catch a show...

May 21 - Peter Wolf Crier - Album release show - Turf Club

May 25 - Midlake - w/ Jason Lytle of Grandaddy - First Ave.

May 29-31 - Sasquatch Music Festival (too many to name) - The Gorge, WA.

June 1 - Astronautalis - 7th st. entry

June 5 - She & Him - cutest girl of all time - First Ave.

June 6 - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - First Ave.

June 9 - Matt Pond PA - 7th st. entry

June 11 - The New Pornographers - First Ave.

June 19th - Rock the Garden - MGMT, Retribution gospel choir, OK GO

July 1 - Tool - Xcel Energy Center

July 3 - The Hold Steady - Cabooze (outdoors!)

July 4 - The Hold Steady - First Ave.

July 9-10 - Basilica Block Party - Weezer, Avett Bros, Spoon

July 14 - Modest Mouse - Orpheum theater

July 16-18 - Pitchfork Music Festival (pavement, modmouse, LCD, brokensocialscene)

July 18 - Wolf Parade - First Ave.

July 22 - Built to Spill - First Ave.

July 26 - The Gaslight Anthem - First Ave.

July 27 - Blitzen Trapper w/ Avi Buffalo - First Ave.

July 28 - The Dead Weather - First Ave.

Aug. 5 - The National - First Ave.

Aug. 6 - The National - First Ave.

Aug. 6-8 - Lollapalooza - Soundgarden, greenday, strokes, arcade fire, MGMT, national, etc

Aug. 9 - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Cabooze (outdoors!)

Aug. 12 - Phoenix - State Theater

Sept. 12 - Pavement - Roy Wilkins