HOTTIE OF THE WEEK

Susanna Hoffs



Susanna Lee Hoffs (born January 17, 1959) is an American vocalist, guitarist and actress. She is best known as a member of the all-female pop band The Bangles. Also, she is extremely hot.

"Walk Like an Egyptian" was a number-one hit by The Bangles in 1986. In a popular scene from the video, Hoffs was filmed in a close-up where her eyes moved from side-to-side, looking left and right. When asked about the scene in an interview, Hoffs explained that she was actually looking at individual audience members during the video shoot, which took place with a live audience. Looking directly at individual audience members was a technique she used to overcome stage fright, and she was unaware that the camera had a close-up on her while she was employing this technique, switching between one audience member on her left and one on her right.


Had I been one of those audience members, I'd have a boner for sure.

Growing Pains

Hump Day Pump Up: Gay.

Today's HUMP DAY PUMP UP is short and sweet. And extremely flamboyant.

A coworker sent me this lil' gem of a clip, and I'll just flat out go ahead and say it, it's the gayest thing I've ever seen. No, I'm not trying to be offensive or anything, but seriously, watch this clip with a straight (haha) face. I DARE you!

(oh, also, YouTube wouldn't let me embed this sucker in the blog, so you're going to have to do some actual work today and click the link. I know half of you won't, cause you're lazy, and sucky, but for the other half, you will be greatly rewarded with LOL's. I promise.)

CLICK HERE TO GET WEIRD.


And for all the lazy, sucky people who didn't just click that link, well... yeah, I guess I'm kinda lazy and sucky today too, I don't really blame ya. This HDPU really isn't my best effort, I'll be honest. But you DID come to visit, expecting to get PUMPED, so I've gotta provide you with SOMETHING. Anything. Um, okay, here, take a look at some crazy weird horse photos. Yeah, that's the ticket. Look at those CRRRRAZY horses! Man, that gets me pumped!











































































Oh those silly horses. Yep, that's it folks, that's all I can muster today. Try to make the most out of it.


Oh shit, BONUS PUMP!! I wasn't going to add this, but a classic joke just popped into my brain, that kinda ties this PUMP UP all together...


"What do you feed a gay horse??"


Answer: "Haaaaay!!!"


...hmmm, okay, I think that joke didn't go over so well typed out. I really think you need the limp-wristed visual to get the full affect. Welp, you're in luck! Here's my friend (and by 'friend' I just mean some hilariously retarded dude I found on YouTube) performing the aforementioned classic joke. Half-assedly.






Haha, what's with that editing between the joke and punchline? Was that really necessary? And why would anyone record that and put it on the internet?!? I don't know. But then again, look at this blog LOL. I'm not really contributing much to society either.

HAPPY HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!!!

The Legend of The Greatest Band EVER... The Story of SAGE.

Back where i'm from, we have this band.

Wait, let me start over.

Back where I'm from, we have THE GREATEST BAND THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE HISTORY OF MUSIC BEING PLAYED IN SMALL TOWNS.


You see, in ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, in Osseo, Wisconsin there lived a group of dudes who decided one day that they wanted to rock. Rock HARD. And rock they did. They started a band, and ROCKED THE SHIT out of every town within a 20 mile radius. Ok, well, they sort of COUNTRY-ROCKED THE SHIT out of those towns. But anyway, they brought the goods regardless. This band of local legends was known throughout the land as the incomparable, unparalleled, unequaled, unsurpassed (thank you Thesaurus), the one and only... SAGE.




















Yes, the SAGE BAND. (Imagine thunder crashing and lightning bolts and dinosaurs eating each other and shit when you read that... "THE SAGE BAND!!" crash boom bing.)

If you've grown up in the town of Osseo, you know and love this band. It's just a part of your history, a part of YOU. This band has been going strong for countless years. I mean, my MOM would go to their shows when she was in high school, so if I did the quick math, that would have been like 70 years ago. And they're STILL GOING STRONG.


These boys know how to really bring the heat, with their unique blend of classic rock, oldies, and a lil' bit o' country. Their live show throughout the years has become nothing short of superb. SAGE would catch you by surprise, too. One minute you're just sippin' on a bottle of Pabst, enjoying their version of 'Satisfaction' by the Stones, then all of a sudden HOLY SHIIIIIT, SAGE would just start rippin' into "I'm in a hurry to get things done...", a real hum-dinger of an Alabama song. Follow that up with a lil' 'Authority Song' by the Cougar, or "Horse with no Name", and you're a-rockin' so hard, you won't know what the eff is up or down. Complete musical bliss.


Oh, did I forget to mention SAGE is a cover band? Yeah yeah I know what you're thinking, but FORGET THAT, this band is the greatest. Of all time. In any genre. Ever. BELIEVE IT. It's almost as if they wrote these songs before the real artists did, which is probably true for most of the jams on their setlist. You'd think 'Fishin' in the Dark' was by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, but you'd be wrong. That's a SAGE original.



















So anyhoo, the reason I'm all jacked up and gettin' amped today is because this weekend, I'm headin' back to my ol' stompin' grounds, and none other than THE GREATEST (cover) BAND OF ALL TIME will be performing at one of the local bars. You have no idea how PUMPED I am!!! This is like, my life band or something. This band IS my hometown. I wish I could invite everyone to come and witness the most glorious display of beer-guzzling good-time live music you've ever seen or heard. Oh, wait, I can. BE THERE!

CLICK HERE FOR SAGE THIS WEEKEND.

Let's party. *


(*Warning for all you city folk - this is towny livin' at it's best. Don't expect any tight pants. Don't expect any 'Vampire Weekend' covers. Don't expect teeth, or overpriced drinks, or non-smoking areas, or any bullshit. This is the REAL Wisconsin deal. Live it.)

HUMP DAY PUMP UP!!!

P-P-P-P-PUMP IT UP!!!

Welcome to Wednesday, that glorious mid-way point in your week where you can just smell the weekend right around the corner! Let's get pumped.



PUMP ONE:

Speaking of smells, check this out. BACON SCENTED CAR AIR FRESHENER.























"Excuse me officer, is there a problem?"
"Yes sir, the reason that I pulled you over today is that, uh... well, um...to be honest, your car smells like meat heaven."

If you actually click that link, you can buy these suckers for only $1.17. Do it. You're welcome. PUMP!!




PUMP TWO: New Year's Resolutions are bullshit. However, I did make it a sort of personal goal to cut back on my caffeine intake for the new year. You see we have this mini-fridge in our office room, and this fridge is always chock-full of delicious delicious Mountain Dew. In an unprecedented display of sheer willpower, I'm going to limit myself to just TWO cans of Mountain Dew per week. (Impossible, I know). Well GUESS WHAT PUMPERS?!?!?! TODAY IS MOUNTAIN DEW DAY. I'm suckin' one down right now as I type this. P to da UMP!!!




















PUMP THREE:

I just saw 'The Hurt Locker'. Effin' A man, this movie RULES. Put it on yer Netflix, like, NOW. It's about a bomb squad unit in Iraq, where every day their lives are put on the line as they defuse bombs, face insurgents, do other stuff that has you on the edge of your seat, etc. Anyway, there's this rad scene where one of the robots designed to disable this bomb malfunctions, and things take a turn for the worse. Check it out below, PUMPED:



Ok, now seriously, check that shit out. I mean it. I know you didn't watch it the first time, so I'll give you another chance. This scene is so intense! Watch it! Now!



C'mon people, it's 3 freegin' seconds long, just watch the damn clip!! (And if you've watched it twice now, give it a go one more time, just for overkill. It gets better every time, I swear!)





PUMP FOUR: I just got done watchin' 'Always Sunny in Philly' the other night, then was about to head to bed when I flipped on the the news. Something was not quite right...







PUMP FIVE: And finally, for our last pump... What's up America? Still not over this singing/dancing/reality TV crap, huh? Well if you think AMERICA'S got talent, you should check out the Russians!! PUMP!!!





Hang in there, the weekend is almost here!
HAPPY PUMPIN' EVERYBODY!!!

Life Chart

I'm with Coco.

Get your very own "I'm with Coco" T-shirt HERE!

HUMP DAY PUMP UP - NEW YEARS EDITION!!!

Welcome to the New Year! And more importantly, welcome to Wednesday!! I know you all are depressed about returning to work after that kick ass time you had over the Holidays, but don't fret! It's a new year, a new start, full of hopes and dreams and aspirations and... ok nevermind, this intro is lame, I really didn't work hard at it. SO let's move right along to the HUMP DAY PUMP UP: TOP 5 THINGS TO GET PUMPED FOR IN 2010!!! Let's Rock!!





















That's right, I said THE HUMP DAY PUMP UP: TOP 5 THINGS TO GET PUMPED FOR IN 2010!!!



Number 5: Another Year Chock Full of Great Movies.

And not just any movies either. These (ahem) films will guarantee to be chock full of big-time-hollywood-CGI-blow-em-up-computer-bullshit!! Seriously, I love watching fake-ass computer generated metal images twist and writhe around on screen for 2+ hours (see Transformers) FML.

What's to come: Alice in Wonderland, Another Goddamn Twilight Movie, Another Goddamn Harry Potter Movie, Iron Man 2, Tron, Another Goddamn Narnia Mo.. holy shit! TRON?? PUMP!!!






















TRON dude.



Number 4: More stupid commercials.

Yes, the Snuggies will get dumber. Yes, Chevy Truck Month has been extended through June. Yes, we are not quite done with the reality TV craze, so we will be advertising this season's new fall lineup of 'The Biggest, Fattest 5th Grade Loser', 'Fellating With the Stars', 'Extreme Makeover: Michael Jackson's Remains Edition', 'Survivor - New Jersey', and 'The Amazing Racist'.

(Ya see what I did there? Just took already popular reality shows and... okay, moving on.)



Number 3: Deaths.

What would a good year be without some celebrities biting the dust? Scheduled to die this year:


Amy Whinehouse. Duh. You're telling me she didn't manage to die last year?!














Dead.


John Travolta. Dead. Oh whoops, my bad. Correction, John Travolta will not be scheduled to die in 2010, but his career will be.











Dead.









The Dude Who Plays Alfred in the New Batman Movies. Seriously, such a bummer man. Loved that guy. Plus this totally ruins future Batman films. That is, until they decide to get the dude who plays Geoffrey Butler on The Fresh Prince...















2Pac. Realizing that he made more money from record sales when people were under the impression that he was dead, Tupac Shakur makes the decision to actually go for it this time.











Dead.



Number 2: The Packers Winning the Super Bowl.

Wow, who would have thought that with just a mere 2 years at the helm, Aaron Rodgers would lead this young Pack team to victory over the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLIV? But yes my friends, this will happen. Most certainly.

Ok, ok, maybe this one is a long shot, but I had to include it, just for the slim chance of an 'I told you so' moment to be posted on the Pudding Bath on Feb. 8th, 2010.


















And the Number 1 Thing to Get PUMPED About in 2010?!?!?:

McDonalds now has... (drumroll please) A DOLLAR BREAKFAST MENU! I shit you not. I am so goddamn pumped about this. There's a MickyD's literally just across the street from my office, which means on any given HDPU I can walk over there, spend $2, and get not only a delicious sandwich with sausage in it, but ALSO a delicious burrito with sausage in it.

You might as well toss those New Year's Resolutions aside. Who were you kidding? Lose 10 effin' lbs? You thought that would actually happen? Nonsense. Keep gettin' your McPump on, keep suckin' down those tasty McDoubles, and keep raisin' yer head high as an American. PUMP!


























HERE'S TO A GREAT 2010!! STAY PUMPED EVERYBODY!