So one night I'm doin' the ol' 'get ready for bed' routine, brushing my teeth, taking out my contact lenses, crawling into bed, settin' my alarm clock...OH DAMN. The lil' 'hour' button is jammed into the clock, making it impossible to change the alarm time! Welp, at that point I had two options: either I be wakin' up at 7:00am everyday (no way Jose), OR it was TIME TO BUY A NEW ALARM CLOCK!
Obviously I choose the latter. So I get my SuperTarget on, and come home with a brand new, super-sexy Clock Radio. The Emerson Dual Alarm SmartSet Clock Radio with 1.3" Red Display, to be exact.
Holy shit, I am in LOVE. I get this thing outta the box, plug it in, and BAM! It's good to go. It automatically KNEW the time, day of the week, date, my birthday, the noises I would like to wake up to, the color I like my time displayed in (lustful red), my hobbies and interests, fears, hopes, dreams... I didn't have to program a damn thing, IT JUST KNEW. This clock is from the FUTURE.
I immediately felt a certain sexual attraction to this alarm clock, and I can't wait to wake up to her beautiful smiling "face" every morning and/or afternoon (she automatically knows not to wake me up on weekends until at least 11:30 am!).
I think the reason i'm so in love with this clock is because i've had my shitty old alarm clock for... well, life. I've had that clock for the majority of my life, no kidding. I think it was handed down in our family or something.
So in celebration of this new woman in my life (i just know this new clock is female), I NEED YOUR HELP naming her. Please feel free to submit your suggestions in the comments below.
I'll give you some assistance: picture this new alarm clock as a sexy young black chick with red lipstick (look at the pic of the clock, you'll get it), walking on the beach wearing an obscure band t-shirt and eating a bratwurst. LOVE at first sight, right??
(On a side note, picture my old alarm clock: Beatrice, the 67 year old woman with flabby arms on a park bench, smokin' a cigarette, feeding the pigeons. Also, Beatrice is covered in dust).
Now give sexy-clock a name! The winner of the "Name My Alarm Clock" contest will receive a special surprise!!
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7 years ago
12 comments:
im gonna go buy that same alarm clock tonight.
I say you name it, Lissa!!!!!!!!!!
holy shit, the day is young, but Ben is off to an early lead...
I am disappointed. I thought her name was already "Shaniqua". I was even banished from fb chat for that! Give a girl some credit- Sheesh!
i say towanda
...actually a coworker today said, "why not Shaniqua??" and i was like, "WTF...did you just think of that, or are you in cahoots with 'WhatTheH?' woman??"
All strong cases for 'Shaniqua', although Condor Pt 2 had a solid contribution as well!
We could LIVE IN THE WOODS!!
Fuck the alarm clock!!! We'll wake up to the sun!! Or until the sun boils us out of the tent!
Terry
How about Laquita? (la-qweet-uh) Does she look like me?
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