Hulk Hogan... rapping???

In keeping with the theme I've got going this month (I guess), I'd like to share with you some more shitty rap. So shitty, of course, that it is completely rad. Today I bring you... Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band - Hulk Rules.















So I came across this lil' gem at a carnival in Hickville, Wisconsin about 10 years ago. I "won" it at some fishing game; if memory serves me, you were supposed to "hook" a CD with this makeshift fishing rod, and wouldn't ya know it? All the good CD's (Backstreet Boys, Boyz II Men, anything else that was boy-tastic) were either glued down or impossible to reach or some shit, but of course the real crap was easily available. I think I spent a few bucks on the game, and walked away the proud owner of this horrible/amazing Hulk Hogan rap album. Yes, Hulk Hogan, the wrestler... RAPPING. Rappin' bout life. Rappin' bout friends and family. Rappin' bout not using drugs (Training with vitamins is okay).

First of all, to TRULY experience this blog post to it's utmost potential, you HAVE TO download this album. Here, i'll make it easy for you. CLICK HERE. Okay, now you're ready.

Whoa, stop right there! You didn't click that link, did you? I'll give you one more chance. GET YOUR HULK HOGAN RAP ALBUM HERE. SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL ELSE ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW? UPDATING YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS? READING SOMEONE ELSE'S BLOG? Seriously, people, get this album.. it's totally shitty and totally ridiculous and totally FREE.

I don't want to spoil it all for you, cause I think some of the magic lies in discovering the great moments in this album for yourself, but here are the highlights that will stay with you forever...

Track 1 - HULKSTER'S IN THE HOUSE.
0:01 - 1 second into this album. Heavy as fuck guitar riff. I've just decided this is METAL!

0:10 - Ten seconds in... weak-ass gang vocals, horrible lyrics... I've just decided this most certainly is NOT metal.

Track 3 - HULKSTER'S BACK.

As soon as this song starts, I immediately jump out of my seat and shout, "OH SHIT SON, IT"S ON!!! GET THIS PARTY STARTED RIGHT NOWWW!!!!"

0:10 - Now here lies one of the all-time mysteries of this album. The intro has a "valley-girl" type chick saying, "Oh my gawd!", followed by Hogan shouting "Check out the PUMP, BROTHER!". The woman's response?
"WHA NA NA?!?!"
To this day I seriously do not have a clue what the hell "Wha-na-na" means or why the woman says it or why it was ever recorded, but I do know that it is stupid awesome.

1:35 - Not sure but I think he challenges Ted Turner to an arm-wrestle. "Whatz up Dawg??"

2:06 - Hulk discovers a peculiar new feature in his musculature.

Track 6 - I WANT TO BE A HULKAMANIAC.

0:23 - A true display of Terry Bollea's lightning-fast lyrical shit storm, this song just freakin' kills it.

1:04 - "Can you feel the music? Can you feel the beat? You don't need drugs to move your feet." ...no kids, you don't need drugs... although they may help you make it through this record.

1:53 - The words are so damn positive it hurts. You just can't make this shit up, folks. Well, I take it back, if you're a washed-up WWF wrestler scrounging for a buck in any way possible, I guess you can pull a rap album like this out of your ass. I mean, this song is so awful, it makes you wonder if Hogan was just roided/coked out of his mind at the time, or maybe he lost a bet to a friend who happened to have a recording studio a block away.


Track 7 - BEACH PATROL.

1:02 - "Whoop there it is, check it out, check it in. You'll be 6 feet deep if you touch my girlfriend." Ouch.


Track 9 - HULKSTER IN HEAVEN

I cry every time I hear this song. It's a ballad. It's a piece of shit. It's beautiful.

1:01 - Hulk "singing" sorrowfully about... a wrestling fan dying. "The world just lost... another Hulkamaniac. I wish Hulk's love... could bring you back again." Are you fucking kidding me?

I would say this song is Hulk's "finishing move" of the album... a true piece of art/shit. Breathtaking. In conclusion, this album will change yer life forever. Trust me. Spread the word, the Hulkster's in the house. Check him out, check him out.