Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Gremlins and Their Clothes

Let's talk about the film Gremlins. When the evil Gremlins start taking over the town, they just absolutely lose it and begin wreckin' shit. I'm talking complete f'n chaos, man. Making people crash cars, making old people crash their electric chair-lift stair thingies (best I could describe that), partyin in the bar... I mean, this town is fucked.

The one thing during this chaos that I just could never grasp happened in the scene with those bar idiot Gremlins. The ones that take over the local pub and get shit-faced. Here they are cuttin' loose with Phoebe Cates, getting completely hammered, guzzlin' beer and hanging off ceiling fans and shit, when suddenly you start seeing some Gremlins dressed up. Over there in the corner you got your jazz-listening, beret-wearin' bebop Gremlin. You've got Gremlins in drag. Gremlins shooting guns. Gremlins with trenchcoats flashing their naked Gremlin bodies. There's this especially disturbing scene with this "Flashdance" Gremlin. This thing's got those pink aerobic tube socks, the spandex, headband, all that crap, and is just goin' to town breakin' to some cheesy 80's dance music. I'm guessing this was a female Gremlin. This, or some of the dude Gremlins just got bored with reproducing purely male clones (offspring? I don't know what to call those things) and decided to go Tranny-Gremlin.

Anyway, amidst all this hootenanny, you're bombarded with wild visual gags. If you think too hard about it, it's almost like this bar scene is a reflection on society... how we all act like savage monsters at times? Ok, maybe not, but anyway, in the subtext, the Gremlins' behavior is at the least "believable". HOWEVER, what I find UNFUCKINBELIEVABLE is all of those miniature clothes. WHERE THE HELL DID THOSE GODDAMN GREMLINS FIND THE TIME TO ROUND UP ALL THOSE MINIATURE OUTFITS??? I mean, let's say you spill water on a Gremlin or whatever it is you do. It starts poppin' out another Gremlin, all snarling and angry... what is the first thing that Gremlin does? "Well of course it's going to go wrangle up a Flashdance outfit real quick, or at least a miniature trenchcoat!" you say. Screw that.

Do Gremlins sew?? And how do they suddenly have this vast knowledge of clothes-wearing anyway? I mean, that would NEVER happen... the Gremlins part, yes, that absolutely makes sense; weirder things have occurred. But those miniature outfits? NEVER. Come on, Spielberg. Everything was going so well, too. I mean, Gremlins are going to kill people, YES. Gremlins can learn to drive a snowplow through a house, YES, can't be that hard. Gremlins can acquire an affinity towards cigarettes and beer within the course of hours, YES, YES, we've all been there. But mini-outfits??? I just can't buy that. I'm callin' bullshit on the Gremlin mini-attire.


Extreme Ash said...


SAWTOOTH said...