Yep yep yep let's get our PUMP ON, you know how we do!
Ok so this week, we're gonna pump a little differently. It can't always just be raging fist-pumpin' explosions and rocketships and boners and cannons being fired and roundhouse kicks to the throat... no no, sometimes you really gotta ease into the pump. You know, like, start slowly, build on it, and eventually work your way up to maximum PUMP LEVELS. Yep, i'm a talkin' bout SLOW PUMP.
Step 1: Tunage.
Let's not get too wild here, remember to breath and EASE INTO THIS PUMP. This is a nice, feel-good pumpy song. Now take a sip of that 64 oz coffee, feel it flowin' through yer veins, into your soul. We're just startin' to get warm here, people.
Step 2: Slip into something more comfortable.
Say, a bacon tuxedo.
Step 3: Enjoy your surroundings.
Take a minute to get up from your cubicle, step outside the office, walk past the smokers on their break, and just keep going, into the surrounding wilderness. Take a deep breath, and just enjoy everything that brings the PUMP to your life. And if you need to, go ahead and just freak out, man.
So that last clip is the new YouTube sensation, and I'm sure you've already seen it, but hotdamn, that vid pumps me up every damn time. "DOUBLE COMPLETE RAINBOW." Epic.
Step 4: Jump in the Lake.
Alright, now we're really gettin' pumpy. We're awake, alert, full of caffeine, and ready to start PUMPIN' HARD, right?? Go ahead and take off that tie, drop those trousers... why don't you just take 'er all off, and jump right off the dock into a cold lake. WHOOOOO!!! I've never gone swimming as much as this summer, and every goddamn time I do, I get really freegin' pumped. Try swimming un-pumpy. I dare you. It's just not possible.
BONUS SWIM-PUMP!!!
If there was a Step 5, it would be: Go to the Modest Mouse show tonight. I am definitely SUPER DAMN PUMPED for the show tonight at the Orpheum. Of course, it's just not in the cards for all of you to witness such a pumpy gig. I'm sorry. BUT I offer you this equally-if-not-more-pumpy event instead:
A BACON TAKE-DOWN COMPETITION. O'GARA'S, ST. PAUL, JULY 18TH. GET SOME.
And if you're not quite at SUPER BONER PUMP LEVEL YET, I offer you these last little tasty morsels that will surely make you have a PUMP-OVER tomorrow morning. I'll just lay it on thick here at the end. Happy Wednesday!!
The PUMP is YOURS, take hold and run with it.
